A Guest in My Heart by Felicia DePaula

 Felicia DePaula

She is my friend, my lover, my truth,  my momentary happiness, my beautiful blessing.

We spent the most amazing Saturday in Santa Fe, camera strapped around my neck, her gentle hand in mine and at the perfect moment. 

She grabbed the camera from my hands and asked if she could try it out, I’d been waiting for somebody to take an interest in something I did for years.  I sat back on a bench, surrounded by dead trees, the smell of The Shed lingering in the air and the remnants of what used to be a gorgeous lily.  She hopped around, camera in hand like an old pro.  My imagination took me elsewhere, embarrassing enough it took me to the scene in Notting Hill where Julia Roberts has her head resting on Hugh Grant’s lap as he reads…on a bench; an act that has always been an active fantasy to me.  I quickly snapped out of it and she was standing in front of me, the lens close enough to my face that I could smell the hint of tequila on her breath as she smiled with her burnt brown eyes.  She handed me the camera, anxiously, I looked at the pictures, my heart sunk, she was born with the eye of a photographer, she saw what I saw from behind the lens, she became one of my soul mates in that moment. 

Life is unexpected, it doesn’t matter if somebody is thousands of miles away, or next door, love controls us if we are living without cautions, as we should be.  You take that huge leap off the bridge not knowing if there is a bungee connected; love is all about taking chances.  Daily I take a chance with her because she makes my heart stop, she makes my heart sink.  I feel every emotion when I’m near her, excited, scared, happy, sad and desired.  Every moment with her feels like leaping off a bridge, even if the cord isn’t attached, I know that there is water below to break my fall.  She is the water to many; she protects many hearts and sacrifices her happiness at times to break the fall of the people she loves most.

She is a taste of perfection.  I know that the love I have experienced in these rare moments will be too much to ignore down the road.  Although, right now, my path is guiding me elsewhere and I have to respect the commandments of love, first off being patient, second being loyalty and I must be loyal to my heart…this is not the end of us, but right now it must be placed on the shelf so it doesn’t lose its value.  I said once, I have to walk away from the sexual part of this because I want to preserve what we have and what I’ve never shared with somebody else. 

Little do you realize that holding somebody’s hand holds so much more passion in it than having drunken sex.  Walking away from this right now is the first mature step I’ve ever taken in a relationship…this is no longer a “situation” because two hearts fell hopelessly in love and it was worth every second, I hold no regret in my heart when I think of her presence in it. 

She has been an amazing guest in my heart; I look forward to her return.  I have the utmost certainty that she will return or I will return to her after I have discovered the world, “my heart and love would never let me forget you.” 

When something is meant to be, life will have no issue colliding with fate, therefore, live recklessly in love and cautiously out of love, think irrationally through responsible logic and forget the pain you experience daily, but remember the lessons that pain has taught.  Never stop living life through double negatives, create your own course of action and get lost because you are the only one with the map and you will find what you need when you’re ready.

She faced me and I snapped a picture of the perfect moment, my reflection doing something I love in the sunglasses of the woman I fell for.  A perfect moment should be left at that as it is. 

“So I turned the car around,
And you were right where I left you,
And your smile said you were feeling me too,
And the moon shined bright,
Cause when your lips met mine,
I finally got it right”