Crazy Predictions for an Exciting Week of Basketball; Plus, Dietary and Love Advice

 John Knoll

Does anyone know who won the Super Bowl Game?

Just kidding.

It was a fantastic game that ended with a Hail Mary pass. Any game, or any event that ends with a prayer, leaves a person feeling connected. If not to the transcendental, at least to the human race. There were millions of us doing the same thing at the same time, connected by simulation. But we were for a moment one huge consumer base. And I’m not ashamed of consuming televised football. Being a football fan is one way to tell whether or not a person is a true American and not a communist.

Obviously, I jest. But to be serious for a moment, and speaking of prayers: Is there anyone who thinks the Elks have a prayer of a chance to win a basketball game this week?  I do. Yeah, Yeah, I’m a homer.  I bleed green. And despite the fact that the Elks play St. Michael’s and Hope Christian, the top two AAA teams in the state this week, I believe they can pull an iconic upset.

Why? Because the Elks, when they play good D, can beat anyone. And, if (and this is a big if) they rain 3-balls, like they’ve done in the past, an upset is in the making. And, the Elks are no longer a young team. At this point in the season, freshmen are no longer freshmen, they’re sophomores and sophomores are juniors, etc.

To help my prediction, I think I’ll put a hex on St. Michael’s.

Dear St. Michael’s, I love your team and your team spirit. If I wasn’t a Pojoaque fan, I might be a St. Michael’s fan, but when you enter Ben LujanGymnasium Tuesday night to play the Elks you will suddenly be unable to play up to your skill level, the balls won’t drop, you’ll play lackadaisical defense and lose a heart-breaker. Just don’t think about the hex and you’ll be alright.

Kidding again, kind of kidding at least. Hexes don’t work, do they?

On Friday, the Elks host Hope Christian, a team of non-recruited Albuquerque players with the best unrecruited talent in the state.  How in the heck can the Elks beat Hope Christian?  Miracle maybe?  Slow ball?  Who knows anything can happen in sports and life.

For example, I’m a bread and pasta junky. But thanks to my significant others insistence-she was getting tired of me mopping around the house- I recently went on a wheat free diet. And after just four days without the culprit gluten in my blood, I feel reborn. Maybe that’s why I’m making these enthusiastic, crazy predictions. But if you dear reader have been feeling lethargic, down in the dumps, depressed, try a wheat free diet for a week. You might be surprised that you suddenly feel like you’ve discovered the fountain of youth.

The Elkettes, that’s another story. They too host St. Michael’s and Hope Christian. The Elkettes, like the Elks, have shown moments of brilliance. If they can put 32 minutes of charlie hustle play together, look out you illustrious teams of the private school ghettos.

So, here we go, with football season over we can concentrate on basketball and the political races and Valentine’s Day.

Incidentally, if you guys and gals want to endear your selves to your lover, write them an original poem. I don’t care how bad it is. It’s the thought that counts.  Follow my sage advice and I can almost guarantee you’ll (I was going to say score, but that’s just a cliched sport’s metaphor) kindle a  night of passion in PojoaqueValley, or where-ever you live.

Dear Readers, This is just to say I appreciate you. Immensely. 

And in closing, everyone takes everything I say so seriously, but no one believes a word I say.

Amen.