“If I Fail, Or If I Succeed At Least I Did As I Believe”

Felicia DePaula

I can still see the vivid scene where Whitney Houston is running through the clouds in a sheer white garment that clings to her beautiful body.  I know when Frank (Kevin Costner) was watching that video of Rachel Marron (Whitney Houston), he felt the exact way I did as he leaned forward in his chair, watching while gripping his glass of orange juice, and he felt enamored by Rachel’s beauty and talent.

 I don’t know why that moment is so vivid in my life and always has been, but I remember watching The Bodyguard for the first time ever, the night before my first day of second grade.  When I heard the tragic news of Whitney’s passing this weekend, I was swept off my feet.  I don’t know why these types of tragedies affect me so deeply, but I can only assume it’s because I’m naïve and for some reason I see celebrities as invincible, so when I read the reactions of some media outlets, I felt sick to my stomach, reading, “this isn’t unexpected or a surprise.”  Every death is a surprise to me, especially the death of somebody who has set the bar so high, in the realm of the music world.  Whitney Houston was an icon of the 80’s and 90’s, a woman who may have had downfalls, but in my mind she never skipped a beat.  Her prolific voice is all that has captured my heart, not her moments of what the world would consider “insanity”, but the moments that helped define over two decades of what music should be.

This whole loss really has me thinking and only affirms what I have felt for the past three months.  Damn, our time here is so short, every day we have the choice to live in chaos and distress, or we have the choice to thrive and impact the world as best we can.  Our life may end in tragedy, but the time we have here is what should be remembered, we will all leave this planet eventually, some in “classier” ways than others, but nonetheless we are all bound to float above and walk the streets of heaven with God.  I don’t think a death should define who and what you were when you walked this planet.  What matters is people will mourn you if you lived an impacting life, people will remember the elegance of an international stunning voice, over the erratic behavior that may have displayed at some point.  When I die I hope people don’t view me as a drunk because that’s what I was at one point, but rather as a soul that touched others or a person who loved harder than any other, a person who cried over the death of somebody she never knew, but because at some point she was something positive to me…a soul of compassion. 

One day I may sit here and write out all of the things that I hope the world remembers me for and as, and when I die I will have my best friends read that paper and say whether or  not I lived a life of definition…it shouldn’t take that, but sometimes even if we are no longer gracing this earth, we have to remind people where the focus should be for a soul that is no longer here, it should be on all the good they did and all the love they expelled while they were able to.

So I sit here on a Monday morning with a knot in my stomach because I feel the world has lost a vocal genius.  Let the lives of others be lessons to all of us who still have the opportunities to conquer our demons and accomplish our dreams.  A dream can never be taken away, an icon will never be forgotten, and a life lived in love and happiness will never truly end. 

Ms. Houston, Rest in the truest form of peace, you have impacted my world.

“I decided long ago never to walk in anyone’s shadow; if I fail, or if I succeed at least I did as I believe.”
Whitney Houston

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